Being thankful for what you have

I'm getting back to my happy place. I'm a happy person by nature, I've always been. It's one of the things that people most comment on. I've always had these periods (haha, not speaking of my menstrual cycle although I'm sure that has a little to do with it) where I go through an unhappy phase, where everything makes me sad and I'm constantly on the verge of depression. The fact that I can feel this and understand it does not help. I immerse myself in my unhappiness, dwell in it, and it consumes me. Anything and everything that could, does upset me. I hold onto it like a shield, I figure if I'm miserable already, then nothing can hurt or disappoint me. Then it could just be one little thing. One little glimmer of hope, of happiness that snaps me out of it. Yesterday was that day for me. I'm not even sure what it was, but I just started thinking positively, knowing that everything will work itself out and be ok.

Just for the record, I know I'm a serial comma user. I understand this and still can not help it. I apologize in advance if my poor comma usage annoys you. It annoys me sometimes, but oh well.

[Brandon] We have our moments that we're at each other's throats and just can't even look at each other without wanting to yell. We've been together for seven years, married for two. I think a big part of why we work well together is that we appreciate the little things. A please and thank you go a long way in keeping the peace. When I get in my "moods" I forget that those matter, and in turn Brandon does too. Then we get past it, and I find my coffee all set up for me in the morning when I've had a long night and I thank heaven that I have a thoughtful husband. We both have our own issues, things that drive the other bonkers. The bottom line is that we work well together and we love our daughter more than words could ever describe. When I see that love and feel that emotion towards her, I know I got a good great one. It makes me remember why we fell in love in the first place and begins to get me out of my funk. Seriously, "please" and "thank you" make all the difference in the world. Sometimes, a little appreciation is all someone needs, a little acknowledgement.

Things aren't easy right now. We are transitioning to a life we've never had before, and that is difficult for us. We've been doing the same thing for seven years now, so it's been difficult and scary to get used to this different life. To say money is tight is the understatement of the century, but we're figuring it out and we're going to fix it. We're doing what we need to do in order to stay afloat. It's going to be a long, hard journey, but well worth it. I just need to stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel and not let myself get bogged down by the individual hardships.

I think that is what got me out of this latest funk. I took a step outside my life for a moment and realized that in a month, in a year, this is just going to be one spec of the journey and the hardship will be well worth it. For when I am done with my degree and can find that kickass dream job, or even start my own business, it will all be well worth it. You need struggles in life to keep you focused. If it's easy, it's not worth it, right?

Okay, so some updates. I got the job at Wegmans! Woohoo. That is going to help us considerably. It's not a ton of money or a ton of hours but it will fit in nicely with my school schedule. I had orientation last night, which is always lame and boring but I got through it. I have computer training tonight and they'll give me my schedule.

We had Brandon's birthday party/Jade's Sweet 16. It's always fun getting the family together. We are all so close, and I'm glad that Lilybelle sees her cousin's so often. Since she doesn't have a sibling (yet? well, not for a LONG while) I really want to develop her relationships with her cousins.

So 25 more days before I start school...EEK! I know I can do it, starting and staying motivated are going to be my biggest challenges but I have the best motivator there is: Lily. I want her to see that even if you don't succeed the first try, you always have the ability to try again and if you do your very best and work your very hardest, you will triumph. I want to be the best role model I can be, in every way. I don't want her to inherit my "moods". I want her to inherit my good, because I do have a lot of good. I'm smart, capable, and very hard working. I want her to know that there will be hard times, disappointments, and hurt - but that you can overcome that and get past it and be better for it.

Okay, I'm done.

 

 Bottom line: I love my husband. I love my daughter. It could be a lot worse and I'm going to be thankful for what I have, not miserable about the things that I don't.