Being thankful for what you have

I'm getting back to my happy place. I'm a happy person by nature, I've always been. It's one of the things that people most comment on. I've always had these periods (haha, not speaking of my menstrual cycle although I'm sure that has a little to do with it) where I go through an unhappy phase, where everything makes me sad and I'm constantly on the verge of depression. The fact that I can feel this and understand it does not help. I immerse myself in my unhappiness, dwell in it, and it consumes me. Anything and everything that could, does upset me. I hold onto it like a shield, I figure if I'm miserable already, then nothing can hurt or disappoint me. Then it could just be one little thing. One little glimmer of hope, of happiness that snaps me out of it. Yesterday was that day for me. I'm not even sure what it was, but I just started thinking positively, knowing that everything will work itself out and be ok.

Just for the record, I know I'm a serial comma user. I understand this and still can not help it. I apologize in advance if my poor comma usage annoys you. It annoys me sometimes, but oh well.

[Brandon] We have our moments that we're at each other's throats and just can't even look at each other without wanting to yell. We've been together for seven years, married for two. I think a big part of why we work well together is that we appreciate the little things. A please and thank you go a long way in keeping the peace. When I get in my "moods" I forget that those matter, and in turn Brandon does too. Then we get past it, and I find my coffee all set up for me in the morning when I've had a long night and I thank heaven that I have a thoughtful husband. We both have our own issues, things that drive the other bonkers. The bottom line is that we work well together and we love our daughter more than words could ever describe. When I see that love and feel that emotion towards her, I know I got a good great one. It makes me remember why we fell in love in the first place and begins to get me out of my funk. Seriously, "please" and "thank you" make all the difference in the world. Sometimes, a little appreciation is all someone needs, a little acknowledgement.

Things aren't easy right now. We are transitioning to a life we've never had before, and that is difficult for us. We've been doing the same thing for seven years now, so it's been difficult and scary to get used to this different life. To say money is tight is the understatement of the century, but we're figuring it out and we're going to fix it. We're doing what we need to do in order to stay afloat. It's going to be a long, hard journey, but well worth it. I just need to stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel and not let myself get bogged down by the individual hardships.

I think that is what got me out of this latest funk. I took a step outside my life for a moment and realized that in a month, in a year, this is just going to be one spec of the journey and the hardship will be well worth it. For when I am done with my degree and can find that kickass dream job, or even start my own business, it will all be well worth it. You need struggles in life to keep you focused. If it's easy, it's not worth it, right?

Okay, so some updates. I got the job at Wegmans! Woohoo. That is going to help us considerably. It's not a ton of money or a ton of hours but it will fit in nicely with my school schedule. I had orientation last night, which is always lame and boring but I got through it. I have computer training tonight and they'll give me my schedule.

We had Brandon's birthday party/Jade's Sweet 16. It's always fun getting the family together. We are all so close, and I'm glad that Lilybelle sees her cousin's so often. Since she doesn't have a sibling (yet? well, not for a LONG while) I really want to develop her relationships with her cousins.

So 25 more days before I start school...EEK! I know I can do it, starting and staying motivated are going to be my biggest challenges but I have the best motivator there is: Lily. I want her to see that even if you don't succeed the first try, you always have the ability to try again and if you do your very best and work your very hardest, you will triumph. I want to be the best role model I can be, in every way. I don't want her to inherit my "moods". I want her to inherit my good, because I do have a lot of good. I'm smart, capable, and very hard working. I want her to know that there will be hard times, disappointments, and hurt - but that you can overcome that and get past it and be better for it.

Okay, I'm done.

 

 Bottom line: I love my husband. I love my daughter. It could be a lot worse and I'm going to be thankful for what I have, not miserable about the things that I don't.

Random, jumbled thoughts and updates

My new goal is to update, even a sentence, everyday. I started this because I want to look back and remember even the smallest details about the everyday workings of Lilybelle growing up. I want to be able to show her this when she gets older so she can see exactly how things were, and so she can compare when she has her own children. I will never have that, it makes me want it for her even more.

It's 7:30 AM and Lily is napping. Holy goodness, it's been a long three days. She is teething hardcore now and not sleeping well at all. We both got up at three because she couldn't go back to sleep. This has gone on for three nights and I'm exhausted. Right now at thirteen months she has her two bottom central incisors (not even all the way up yet but she's had them for a month) and the top, right lateral incisor is coming in now. I sure hope she has my teeth(not Brandon's), it will make it all worth it. It seems like it would have been way easier for her to teeth while she was already waking up three times a night anyway. Now she is capable of sleeping through the night but her mouth pain won't let her. My poor girly!

More exciting news - Lily is a full blown walker now. She can walk with her shoes on or off and we've been working at walking in the grass. She's still very wobbly in the yard, but she gets right back up and tries again! She started pulling herself up and walking along objects at 9 months so I kept insisting that she was going to walk any day. I guess nothing ever works out how you think it's going to. As frustrating as it was, knowing that she could, I just had to let her do it herself. I saw friend's kids walking early and assumed that she would too. I tried everything to encourage and guide her along but I just had to step back and let her do it herself. It's been that way since day one with everything. No matter what I did to influence her one way, she had to figure it out and do it herself. She's a very independent girl, and I'm very thankful for that. She's so smart and awesome and wonderful and I wish I had a better vocabulary to explain how I feel about her, but I really can't put words to how my heart swells every time she does something new or cute or unexpected.

We went to the park on Labor Day - saw some Geese and their babies.

It was such a beautiful day, I'm glad we got out and enjoyed it.

 

I never updated for her birthday either. Her first birthday was a BLAST! It was as close to perfect as I could have ever expected. I had to work until noon that day (party at two) so I didn't know how that was going to work, but it turned out just fine. Lily took a three hour nap just before the party so she was ready to go. I was running around trying to get everything made. Luckily my MIL offered to make cupcakes (HUGE help!) and our friends Don and Amie showed up early and Amie helped me finish up the "Piglet's in a Blanket" so I could get other things moving. These were my Winnie the Pooh themed food(and Owl's Library, which obviously is not food):

 

The Acorn Bites were probably the best thing I've ever made, period.

They're a mini nutter butter with a Hershey kiss on top and a mini chocolate chip on the bottom.

 They were very messy to make but worth every second!

 

Haha, I don't know what the stink face is for, but this is my birthday girl!

 

She had such an awesome time devouring her birthday cake!

(there is no better word for what she did to that cake)

That last picture makes me laugh every time I see it.

 

 

I can't believe she's 13 months already, it's amazing. I say this almost every day and to anyone who will listen. I know that everyone told me while I was pregnant that the time will go by so fast and to enjoy every minute of it. It's so very true.

 

The picture to the right is Lily at 1mo and the picture to the

 left is at 12mo (you can see her little teeth! :))

 

 

Oh, one thing before I forget. She's started a head banging phase (please God, let it be a phase). When she's tired and her mouth hurts she'll start banging her head on the wall, the floor, anything. I read online that it's to get her mind off her mouth. There were other reasons why kids do this, but that seems like the most relatable for me. She has a little bruise right on her forehead now and it looks terrible. It makes me feel so bad, poor girly. I hope those teeth pop through quickly. She also has been banging her mouth on the toy we got her for her birthday (a car thing she can sit on and has a handle so we can push her around). We've had to take it away for now because she won't stop.

 

Oh, and another thing - since she's started walking she likes to pick things up and carry them around with her. This is fine and dandy except her walker (thing she can walk behind, not sit in) is awkward so she ends up picking it up and then just smashing it on the ground, so we had to take that away. Also, a giraffe she used to push around too. She can just pick it up and smash it. Also, we got her legos for Christmas and she just really got into them except that she just likes to pick up the whole bag and shake them until all of them go crashing to the ground. I know that she doesn't understand but we have downstairs neighbors and they've already called the cops on us once, I don't need them to do it again. So I have to take those away too when she gets crazy with them. Good thing she has about a gazillion (yeah, I use made up numbers and this is my go-to made up number) toys to mollify her.

 

Okay, I'm done for now. I'm going to do a 30 day photo challenge with #iheartfaces, so hopefully you'll see lots of cool pictures coming up soon. ~ Shannon