Being thankful for what you have

I'm getting back to my happy place. I'm a happy person by nature, I've always been. It's one of the things that people most comment on. I've always had these periods (haha, not speaking of my menstrual cycle although I'm sure that has a little to do with it) where I go through an unhappy phase, where everything makes me sad and I'm constantly on the verge of depression. The fact that I can feel this and understand it does not help. I immerse myself in my unhappiness, dwell in it, and it consumes me. Anything and everything that could, does upset me. I hold onto it like a shield, I figure if I'm miserable already, then nothing can hurt or disappoint me. Then it could just be one little thing. One little glimmer of hope, of happiness that snaps me out of it. Yesterday was that day for me. I'm not even sure what it was, but I just started thinking positively, knowing that everything will work itself out and be ok.

Just for the record, I know I'm a serial comma user. I understand this and still can not help it. I apologize in advance if my poor comma usage annoys you. It annoys me sometimes, but oh well.

[Brandon] We have our moments that we're at each other's throats and just can't even look at each other without wanting to yell. We've been together for seven years, married for two. I think a big part of why we work well together is that we appreciate the little things. A please and thank you go a long way in keeping the peace. When I get in my "moods" I forget that those matter, and in turn Brandon does too. Then we get past it, and I find my coffee all set up for me in the morning when I've had a long night and I thank heaven that I have a thoughtful husband. We both have our own issues, things that drive the other bonkers. The bottom line is that we work well together and we love our daughter more than words could ever describe. When I see that love and feel that emotion towards her, I know I got a good great one. It makes me remember why we fell in love in the first place and begins to get me out of my funk. Seriously, "please" and "thank you" make all the difference in the world. Sometimes, a little appreciation is all someone needs, a little acknowledgement.

Things aren't easy right now. We are transitioning to a life we've never had before, and that is difficult for us. We've been doing the same thing for seven years now, so it's been difficult and scary to get used to this different life. To say money is tight is the understatement of the century, but we're figuring it out and we're going to fix it. We're doing what we need to do in order to stay afloat. It's going to be a long, hard journey, but well worth it. I just need to stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel and not let myself get bogged down by the individual hardships.

I think that is what got me out of this latest funk. I took a step outside my life for a moment and realized that in a month, in a year, this is just going to be one spec of the journey and the hardship will be well worth it. For when I am done with my degree and can find that kickass dream job, or even start my own business, it will all be well worth it. You need struggles in life to keep you focused. If it's easy, it's not worth it, right?

Okay, so some updates. I got the job at Wegmans! Woohoo. That is going to help us considerably. It's not a ton of money or a ton of hours but it will fit in nicely with my school schedule. I had orientation last night, which is always lame and boring but I got through it. I have computer training tonight and they'll give me my schedule.

We had Brandon's birthday party/Jade's Sweet 16. It's always fun getting the family together. We are all so close, and I'm glad that Lilybelle sees her cousin's so often. Since she doesn't have a sibling (yet? well, not for a LONG while) I really want to develop her relationships with her cousins.

So 25 more days before I start school...EEK! I know I can do it, starting and staying motivated are going to be my biggest challenges but I have the best motivator there is: Lily. I want her to see that even if you don't succeed the first try, you always have the ability to try again and if you do your very best and work your very hardest, you will triumph. I want to be the best role model I can be, in every way. I don't want her to inherit my "moods". I want her to inherit my good, because I do have a lot of good. I'm smart, capable, and very hard working. I want her to know that there will be hard times, disappointments, and hurt - but that you can overcome that and get past it and be better for it.

Okay, I'm done.

 

 Bottom line: I love my husband. I love my daughter. It could be a lot worse and I'm going to be thankful for what I have, not miserable about the things that I don't.

Direction

I get really into writing on this, and then I lose interest or just lack motivation. This sucks, but as always, I'm going to try to get better. When I first started this it was really just meant as a journal to help me remember all those little moments with Lilybelle. Well, it's going to include everything.

As of last month, I officially became a student again. I'm incredibly excited about this, considering that dropping out of school has been one of my greatest regrets. I got in the work mode and then felt stuck. Change is so hard when you're so set in your ways and in your life. Change is really hard for me, my comfort zone is my life force. However, change is an important and necessary part of life and I just had to push myself to do it. I'm thankful that I am able to stay home with Lilybelle most days, so I will be able to complete my bachelor's degree online. I'm majoring in business administration and hoping that I can go on to get my MBA. This semester I will be taking a Spanish for Business class, a digital design class, and a "Legal environment of Business" class. I think that the Spanish class is going to be the most difficult for me because I have to do 2 video conferences a week and this will be hard to fit into my work schedule but I have to make school my second priority (Lilybelle being my first, always and forever) since I'm so very lucky to have this chance. Either way, the video conference is what I'm most nervous about. I think (hope) that I will just fall into learning again. I was good at it and I enjoyed it, so I hope it all comes back easily. 41 days and counting until I begin this crazy roller coaster.

So, I don't believe that the last time I wrote we had begun potty training Lily. She is only 15 months, but we (Brandon) put her on the potty about a month ago, and she went. So we continued just putting her on the potty. She's doing very well with it and goes just about every time we put her up there. I would have never even thought about starting for at least a year (Go Brandon for giving it a shot!) so it's amazing to me that she can comprehend it. We spend a lot of time in the bathroom these days because she can't tell me when she has to go. We're working on the sign for potty (it's like when you pretend to steal a child's nose - your thumb in between your index and middle finger and you shake your hand back and forth) but she hasn't done it yet. We just put her on there every hour or two to see if she has to go, and we say "potty" more than probably any other word these days. I was really afraid that we would push her too hard and she would just stop so we're pretty gentle about it and don't force her. So far she's been doing very well. She had a couple days last week where she would just sit up there and play but the last couple of days have been better. To have her potty trained before she's two would be amazing! So we're working on it. I think the most difficult part will be to get her to say or sign potty to let us know when she needs to go.

So I'm in the process of getting another part time job. I work at the warehouse with Brandon one day during the week while his mom watches Lily and then Saturday's while Brandon watches her. We need more, so I've applied to Wegman's (I LOVE Wegman's!) and have my third and final interview on Thursday. I'd just be working nights and weekends cleaning up the bakery, which is perfect for me! :) I'm very excited to be starting this whole new phase of my life and with my awesome daughter and supportive husband.

Oh, and Lily now has 4 teeth on top and two on the bottom. She's been teething hardcore and chewing up all her board books (and refusing the millions of teethers we give her) and her crib. Yesterday I found the chew marks on her crib, it looks like she's been trying to find an exit. We finally had to take the bumpers off because she was obviously trying to climb on them and I am NOT ready for her to be climbing out of her crib yet. She's definitely started her climbing phase though and I guess I just have to be ready for it. She's fearless and I think that's what scares me the most. She knows how to get down from anywhere safely (turning herself around and going feet first) but she has also just dived off my friend's child's slide head first, so I just have to be extra careful.

Anyways, I should probably accomplish something while she's "napping". She's had a hard time the last couple days with sleep. She fights it. Last night I had to get up with her three times, which is very unlike her. She's been sleeping through the night for a few months now, but every once in a while she'll just have a hard time. I think part of it is the weather. It's been so hot and muggy! We're coming up on a little less hot and humid few days here, so hopefully her sleep schedule will get back to normal. It seems like I have less patience for getting up in the middle of the night then I did when I was getting up three times a night, every night with her. Oh lord, she's in her room screaming. I should probably go get her. Bye for now.